Loved ones aren’t in the position to diagnose each other, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith – but perhaps raise the general idea of different mental experiences
My mother has always doubted herself, especially her intelligence. She struggled a lot in school academically and this affected her self-esteem her whole life, namely by feeling “stupid”. She went to school in the 1950s and 60s and, from the way she describes it, she didn’t get a lot of help or encouragement from her teachers or family. She particularly struggles with reading and writing, which makes her avoid both of them as much as possible.
I’ve never known exactly what to think about all this – she was just my mum. But it’s only recently that I thought maybe she has a learning disability, perhaps dyslexia. A part of me thinks that if she was aware of this, knowing it is something that millions of others have and can be worked with, it might improve her sense of herself. But what if this raises a sense of regret for her (“If only I knew this 50 years ago … ”)? Should I let things be or tell her?
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